Sunday, February 13, 2011

Camping Food

Camping food is always my favorite type of food. It's super compact protein that makes your interiors go bananas. In this short review I'm going to hype up two canned wheat meat products both made by Loma Linda.

Loma Linda is the perfect example of a product brewed by hippies, but distributed by a heartless multinational corporation. Loma Linda is owned by Worthington Foods which, in turn, is owned by Morningstar Farms, who are distributed by Kellog, whose products are tested by the Rand Corporation, in conjunction with the Saucer People, under the supervison of the Reverse Vampires, who are fiendishly plotting to eliminate the meal of dinner. We are through the looking glass here people.

Loma Linda products can be found at most Food 4 Less location. If you have not been inside a Food 4 Less you need to expand your horizons. This place has more beaners per square foot than the unemployment office. Pretty much nothing here is vegan except what I'm reviewing.

I was so anxious to eat this deliciousness I opened the can of Vegetable Steaks in the car. What ever you do, DO NOT COOK THIS FOOD. This food is perfect right out of the can. The Vegetable Steaks taste exactly like Alpo dog food. So just sit on the porch crying eating can after can of this stuff until your tears smell enough like dog food that your dog comes back.

Oh and the Tender Bits? Taste just like the Vegetable Steaks just white.
So if you happened to catch all 4 of my Simpson References you get a pat on the back, to you others that just caught 3 of them, go to Food 4 Less and grab as many cans of this crap that you can. They are usually 5 dollars a can. Oh and get the Loma Linda Vegan Franks too, I don't have pictures of them cause it was dark when we ate them but they are fucking rad as well.

4/5 Plunges.






2 comments:

  1. You forgot to add the part where you drain all the juice down the side of your friends car.

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  2. oh yeah, dump out half the broth while your friend is driing 65

    ReplyDelete