Fucking Torta Challenge

My friend Desiree challenged me to a food off. The dish is a torta. For those of you who don't know what a torta is, wikipedia says: A torta is a Mexican sandwich, served on an oblong 6-8 inch firm, crusty white sandwich roll, called a bolillo, telera or birote. I chose to make a chicken Chile Relleno torta with cassava chips. My buddy Vanessa helped me out on this project.

First off is the Chile Relleno. I used Poblano peppers but the jews over at Jons list them as Pasilla peppers. Fucking dickwads can't get anything correct in this country. So put the peppers on the grill and set the grill on low. Cook each side for 15 min with the top closed. The skin should start to bubble and scab like my haWg did after I put it in your mom last week. Afterward you are gonna put the chilies in a paper bag to let them cool off. This allows the steam to loosen the skin and makes it easier to pull the skin off.

While the chilies are cooking make the batter. I used soy milk, flour and salt. Since my mom didn't have any soy milk I just threw half a block of tofu in the food processor with a cup of water and BAM! Free soy milk. Mix the soy milk and the flour together. I used about a cup of flour and a pinch of salt. Rodney King the batter until it gets thick and FROTHY like a horse load. I started using a whisker but ended up using a fork. Let it sit.

The chilies were still not done so I made the cheese filling. This cheese recipe came out of my ass cause I left the FYH cheese at my studio. Chop up half a cup of walnuts till they look like crappy mexican cocaine. Throw them in a pot with a cup of water. Then crumble some medium firm (Ramon Bang Bros) tofu into the pot. I put in a pinch of garlic salt, some fine ground mustard seed and about 1/4 cup nutritional yeast. Boil off the excess water. The cheese should end up being the consistency of a yeast infection. Set it aside and let it cool off.

Next is the meats. I used a bag of Morningstar Chicken Meal Starters but you can use Yves or Trader Joe's brand chicken. Dump the entire bag into a frypan and add some oil. Throw some garlic powder, chili powder and a tiny bit of cumin in there. Then add some soy sauce, you know, enough to not be too salty. Once the chicken is crispy dump an entire can of Mexican diced tomatoes in there. These should have jalapenos and onions in them already. Cook for another 3 minutes.

Next is the fun part. Take the skin off the chili peppers. Imagine picking a gross blister off your Achille's Tendon after a hike back from Hermit Falls in your Techampibians. Once the skin is off you want to gut the chili and take out the seeds. Then cram the cheese in there. After that you want to put a little bit of flour on the outside of the chili so it will absorb the batter. Dip the entire chili in the batter until it is completely covered. Make sure you have a pan of hot oil ready to throw it in. If you have a deep fryer then good for you. Dump the chilies in the frypan and cook all sides.

Once the Chile Rellenos are done you are gonna put them on your bread with the meat and tomato sauce. Throw some cilantro on there and reverse barf them. Make sure you have a cute girl to eat them with so you can impress her with your face cramming skills.

The verdict? Poo-poundingly delicious. 5/5 Plungers.