Soyrizo Bomb with Potatoes

Did I do a soyrizo post yet? Fuck I have the worst memory ever. Well whatever. So here is some REAL breakfast explosion. They sell soyrizo pretty much everywhere now. Get whatever kind you want it's all really the same. I get whatever is cheapest and at the Jons by my moms house this crap is $1.47.

Here is all the other crap you will need to make this delicious meal.

I always do the potatoes first cause they take the longest. Imagine the potatoes as a really drunk girl that you are having sex with. She is trying so hard to get off but it's taking forever, so you tell her to use a vibrator to hurry things up. Well the microwave is like a vibrator but for potatoes. I you were to manually cook the potatoes in the frypan it would take forever, but put that shit in the microwave for like 4 minutes and it's done.

So while the potatoes are cooking you remember that you are the king of multitasking so you cut up the onion and throw it in the frypan with some crushed black pepper.

Fry that shit. When the potatoes are done you throw them in there and add spices.

I throw in a lil bit of all this crap except the hot sauce, that shit comes in later. Once the po-tats are done you want to do the tofu. The tofu is basically the egg substitute in the traditional eggs/chorizo combo. I crumble some med-firm tofu into the frypan with some oil, add a tiny bit of snoy sauce and some garlic powder. That cooks for a good minute or two then you add the soyrizo. Be sure to keep the tofu and soyrizo separate Plessy v. Ferguson style.

Just kidding, mix that shit together and add a crapton of hot sauce. You want this soyrizo bomb to be spoke-poppingly spicy and sexy like Brazilian people.

Now you beaner cook the tortillas on the stove. The trick to not burning your knuckle hair while doing this is to blow on the flame when you flip it. But don't blow too hard or you will extinguish the flame.

Now plate everything, take your shirt off and REVERSE BARF the fuck out it. Try to eat the entire plate in under 2 minutes.

Make sure when you are done that you leave the dishes for your mom to clean up. I heard moms really love cleaning up their children's messes, I think I saw it on Dr. Phil or something.

Pray to god that the plumbing in your house has been retrofitted from copper to steel cause you are about to really piss off some sea turtles with this one.