Gluten Free Stir Fry and Chow Mein

So my aunt Marci can't eat gluten. She has HORRIBLE arthritis in her hands, they look like the Cryptkeeper's hands. Eating gluten makes them hurt more. I'm pretty sure it runs in the family so I should be cutting back on my gluten intake. If I eat a lot of gluten my left hand breaks out in a rash.

Being vegan sux when you can't eat gluten cause most good vegan junk has wheat in it. Add all the beer that you drink and the late night pizza carbbing and it is a recipe for disaster. Here is a quick meal that you can make hella fast and cram down crazy hard. This is just a variation of the 4 dollar stir fry just exchanging a few ingredients around.

Get a block of tofu and freeze it. Take it out a week later and put it in the microwave for 5 min. While this is thawing boil up some water and make some wheat free noodles. Any brown rice spaghetti will work. While this shit is going on cut up you onion, mushrooms and celery. By the time you are done cutting, the tofu should be done. Drain any excess water from the package and cube it. While cubing the tofu throw the frozen bag of stir fry vegetables in a bowl and shove it in the microwave. Cook them for one minute.

Hopefully you had the wok on high with some oil in it, it should be ready to splatter now. Throw EVERYTHING in the wok and stir it around. Add garlic powder, cayenne pepper and onion powder. If you were smart you made the stir fry sauce before hand, if not hurry your ass and mix it up! Take 2 tablespoons of tamari or 4 tbs of Bragg's Liquid Aminos. Put 2 tbs of sesame oil and a tablespoon of peanut butter. Mix it like all crazy hell and dump it in the wok. Stir this thing around for 5 min. Make sure to spill out half of it on the stove top and let it crust up real hard.

Once the stir fry is done put it in a bowl. If the gods are on your side, your spaghetti should be about done. Drain the fuck out of it. Most brown rice pastas have about a gallon of smegma stuck to them so you need to rinse it in cold water and drain. Throw the pasta into the wok with a lil oil and some tamari. Stir it so it turns dark brown. Throw the tofu and vegetables in and mix it all around. Plate it, add a 2 liter of Sriracha and REVERSE BARF THE HOLY FUCK OUT OF IT!!!!