New York: Food Swings

FUCK YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!! Back in New York gurbbin some of the best food I've eaten in a loooooooooooong time. Food Swings is the shit. I finally found a place that is worthy of the holy grail of ratings, THE FIVE PLUNGES!!!!

Man oh man, I'm so pumped about this place I can't even type. Fuck! I went here the first night I got back, now I'm heading over there again right now.

I got the chilidogs and buffalo wings, Jason got the poo-poo platter, Vanessa got the bacon and cheese potato wedges with some more buffalo wings and Morgan got some salad. We gangbanged the shit out of this food. Everything was going in every hole, didn't matter who's. All I can say is nothing here is sub-par, everything is fucking awesome This place is open late night too which rulzzz. Also, it's BYOBB. So yeah. Go there, now.

After Morgan, Vanessa, Jason and I reverse barfed all this garbage we went to the metal bar down the street and listened to Dio on repeat for 2 hours. Good fucking times and glad to be back in NEWWWW YOOORRRRKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!

5/5 PLUNGES



Food Swings
295 Grand St
(between Roebling St & Havemeyer St)
Brooklyn, NY 11211

Iceland: Camping Junk

So out in Iceland I spent a lot of time camping (aka. sleeping in the car in the middle of nowhere). Since I was on the road for a week I had to buy camping supplies. Well it can be difficult to read labels unless, for some godforsaken reason, you can read Icelandic. Well here are a few things I picked up at the gross-ery store out there.

First off I got a bunch of Primal Strips back in NY so I wouldn't be protein deficient. I got about 50 each of all the flavors they had. But eating these everyday got really exhausting. So I found creative ways to use them. Sometimes I would buy a Subway Veggie Delight sammich at a gas station and cram the jerky in there, but mostly I would just put it between 2 slices of this spelt flatbread they sell everywhere in Iceland.

They also sell tons of crackers out there that are vegan. Spelt, sesame, wheat...etc. I got these crackers by this company Savours that are delicious. It even says on the box, "Suitable for vegetarians." The rosemary and sea salt ones are bomb. I would put canned asparagus on them or dip them in pesto or bruschetta jars. Shit's good.

Lastly, they sell rice crackers out there. I know these are flavorless, but they actually taste really good if you eat them during a long hike. Just pop some in your mouth every few minutes.

The best part about Iceland is the water. All you need to do is buy one large bottle of water and just refill it. If you guys are not aware, I am a HUUUUUGE water snob. But the tap out in Iceland is fucking amazing. Best water in the world.

So when you culeros eventually make it out to that land of ice and snow with the midnight sun and the hot spring flow, remember to bring some beefed jerky and go nuts on the flat bread and crackers.

Iceland: Grænn Kostur

So I meet up with this girl from couch surfing who also happened to be vegan, but she's one of those bitchy, I only eat organic food, vegan types. Sooooooooo, she suggested we go to Graenn Kostur. As you all may know, I only really like food if it is fried or country fried, but I am in Iceland so I should probably extend my palate, kinda like convincing your girlfriend to do anal. Well Graenn Kostur was slow and gentle.

I ordered the Lentil Tomato Soup and the Spanakopita. The soup, like every other place in Iceland, came with bread and hummus. The bread was in little biscuits and the hummus was not too garlicky like all the other places. The soup was pretty good, brothy and full of that thing people call FLAVOR. The Spanakopita came with a green salad that had a pesto dressing, and a tangerine/granny smith apple/celery/radicchio salad. The Spankwirepita was a giant condensed spinach mess with the occasional potato. The crust was dry and flaky and I watched the lady working there take it from the food case and put it in the microwave to heat it. I was not impressed by it.

Ashley ordered the Ginger Stew, it was a curry tasting mess that came with rice, bread/hummus, green salad and a shredded carrot salad. She also ordered a banana pie slice. She was so pumped to eat her food that she finished it before I could take a pixor of her reverse barfing it.

Afterward we saw a bunch of boobs and spiders at the Louise Bourgeois show up in the National Museum, then we jumped on a trampoline in front of someones house at 2 am till we got kicked off, fun times for the 24 hours of sun on this years Summer Solstice.

3/5 Plunges


Graenn Kostur
Skólavörðustígur 8b
Reykjavik, Iceland

Iceland: Kaffihúsið Garðurinn Ecstasy's Heart Garden

Okay, so I have been camping (read: sleeping in my rental car) for the past week. I have been living off of crackers and canned asparagus. I finally got back into Reykjavik and wanted to eat something cooked. I went into this place in the title above. I don't feel like typing it out again cause I am lazy American trash. When I walked in the door the place reeked of hippy incense and crappy yoga music. The lady working the front was obviously in tune with my inner chakra I knew she could feel my energy as I walked in the door. The first thing she said to me was, "Sorry, restroom is for customers only." It's like she delved deep into my soul and sense how hard I had to poop. Well here in lies the challenge. 

I ordered the soup and the dish of the day. She told me both were vegan. This is one of those places that just serves one thing on the menu all day long, and the menu changes everyday. Today I got the Carrot and Spinach soup with the Vegetable casserole. The soup was more of a broth than a soup. It came with a side of bread and hummus. The bread was cold and hard, but good. The hummus was way too garlicky. I dipped the bread in the soup and everything tasted fine.

The main dish was a Morrocan bean and vegetable casserole. It came with a side of couscous and salad. The casserole was okay definitely had some morrocan spices. Wasn't a big fan of it.


Overall I would rate this place a 2 out of 5 plunges.

Kaffihúsið Garðurinn Ecstasy's Heart Garden
Klapparstigur 37
Reykjavik

Iceland: Babalu´ Cafe

Okay so I am supposed to meet up with a Couch Surfer at this place Babalu. It is located off one of the main drags in downtown Reykjavik on Skólavörðustígur street. I go in and order some green tea and the vegan carrot cake. The dude working there is some NY hipster dude who apparently moved here to open up a coffee shop. That is what this place is. It has a really quaint feel to it. There are tons of posters and crappy paintings on the walls so I went outside on the balcony to get my proper perv on.

The carrot cake was pretty good, the icing was a little too sweet for me but I am not into sweets so maybe it will taste fine to all you sugar fiends. This place has vegetarian chili too, I asked if it was vegan and the guy said probably not. Well maybe he shopuld make it vegan, cause man, I do love me some chili. 

Overall this place is cute in an artschool dropout sort of way, and the carrot cake was decent so I will give it 3 plunges.

Babalu Cafe
Skólavörðustígur 22a
Reykjavik

Iceland: A Naestu Grosum

Whats up all my culo lovers!!!!! So here is another post from Reykjavik. Today I went to this place called A Naestu Grosum. How can I not be attracted to a place that sounds like Nasty Gross? Like a moth to a flame I guess.

So this place is upstairs from one of the main tourist streets in the city. I sat near the window in what I could say was one of the best pervin spots in Reykjavik. The place was pretty empty, except one couple dining at the table next to me. I overheard them quarreling about finances or not sustaining boners or something. So yeah, the food is served cafeteria style. You can either order the special of the day or get the combo plate Chinatown Express style. I was burnt out on mexican food from New York and since the special was tacos, I went with the 3 combo platter.

The food I chose was the Shepherds Pie, the Mixed Vegetable Casserole and the Cucumber Salad. It also came with a side of mixed green salad.  The shepherds pie had mixed vegetables and lentils, it was pretty fucking good. Coulda used a little more salt, but otherwise was top notch. The casserole had potatoes, zooks, beatz, califlower and eggplant. It was also tasty, just needed a little saltening. The cuke salad was okay, it had some strange vinegarette. I just mixed it in with the greens.

Overall I was satisfied. My meal came out to be 1.790 Kronur, which is pretty pricey, but in Iceland you dont have to tip.

4 out of 5 plunges