Tofu, Dandelion Greens and Vegetable Stir Fry

Right down the street from my moms house is a grocery store called Jon's. Jon's is awesome cause they totally ripped off the name and logo of Vons, also, they are too lazy to spell "John" correctly and lastly, the word "John" means toilet. Some of my favorite words for Toilet are: John, Crapper, Can, Shit-box, Biffy, Terlit, Thunder Mug, Shitter and of course the Throne. While at Jon's I was going through their produce and came across some dandelion greens. I never made anything with dandelion greens before so I picked some up and decided to throw them in a stir fry.

The key to a good stir fry is knowing what goes in when. In art school we all had to read Michael Foucault's "The Order of Things." Basically, from my understanding, in this book he shows you the proper way to make stir fry. You can't just throw everything in the wok all willy-nilly, you have to add certain things at certain times because specific foods cook at specific rates. So here is the proper way to make a stir fry.

Ingredients: Ramen Noodles, Tofu, Baby Bok Choy, White Mushrooms, Green Beans, Bean Sprouts, Dandelion Greens, Onion.

Spices: Garlic Salt, Cayenne Pepper, Onion Powder, Paprika.

Boil some wa wa and throw the ramens in there. You want this to be cooking while you do your cutting.

Dice some touf's.

 Throw the tofu in the wok, add some snoy sause and some SPICES.

While the tofu is cooking, knife rape some green beans.

 

Let the tofu soak up all the sawse then add the green beans.

 

Let green beans cook for one minute then add onions.

 

Let onions cook for one minute then add bok choy Dan.

 

Cut up dandelion greens.

 

Let bok choy cook for one minute then add the dandelions.

 

Cut up the shromms.

 

Let dandelion greens cook for 1 min then add the shrumz.

 

While the stir fry is frying you want to make the sauce. You will need sesame seed oil, soy sauce and Oriental seasoning from the ramen.

 

Put 1 tps oil, 2 tbs soy sause and sprinkle a little bit of the flavor in there. Then stir it.

 

Lastly add your bean sprouts to the wok, your sause and cook for one minute then plate it.

 

Now you are gonna make the noodles. By now the ramens should have soaked up all the water. You want to rinse that shit to get rid of excess starch. Throw it in the wok and add some of the oriental flavor and 1 tsp of soy sause. Stir and cook on one side for a minute. Flip the whole mess over like a pancake and cook other side for one minute.

 

Dump the tofu and veggies on top of the noodles and stir/cook for one more minute.

 

Put it in a bowl.

 

Reverse barf. Enjoy. Then hit up the John.