Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Ridgewood Thai

Sup cornholes. This review is for Ridgewood Thai which is right down the street from my place. I wanted pizza but Caridad convinced me to get Thai, even crazier is she talked me into WALKING to the restaurant instead of ordering delivery.

This place is really cute, they went all out with the d├ęcor. They have super nice wallpaper, a crazy chandelier, laser cut menus and fancy chopstick holders. This is definitely a date place.

We ordered the Curry Puffs which are kinda like dumplings but puffy. The sauze they come with is not vegan so don't eat it.  Caridad ordered the Spicy Noodle with Mock Duck. When you order mock duck you have to say it really loud like you are a Vietnamese army general, MOCKDUCK! MOCKDUCK!!! I got the Choo Chee curry with Mock Duck because I love Choo-Choo trains. I was surprised to find out there were no trains in my dish :(

All of our food was really delicious. The best part was they dump an entire can of mock duck into the dish. In fact there was so much mock duckI had to leave some on the plate. These guys rule. MOCKDUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4/5 Plunges

 






Ridgewood Thai
 

72-04 Forest Ave
Ridgewood, NY 11385

Friday, January 6, 2012

Terri

Hey fuckers, this review is for a place called Terri in the Flatiron District. I had a job interview around here and I was an hour early. I needed to carb up because I could not get a chub no matter how hard I tried. I was not going to be interviewed with my doughnut flaccid, so I needed to reverse barf some garbage to get my stoagie to a hornbloat if not a perfect squarecut. If you have no idea what I'm talking about please go here.

Terri is a super hip, semi-faggy sandwich place that serves all vegan junk. They have salads and wraps but who the fuck eats those? I came here to fucking CARB HARD. I ordered the Bacon Cheddar Chicken Ranch Sandwich. If you aren't aware by now, the best foods always have the longest names; the longer the name, the more crap they have crammed in there.

This sandwich was okay. Right down the middle, not too great, not too crappy. The meats they use are all frozen Asian market craps, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, they just don't do anything too fancy with it. The ranch they use is a garlic fuckfest. It's like if you passed out at a frat party and awoke to two dudes railing on you with giant garlic cloves for shlongs. Some people like garlic, but I'm a werewolf and I'm allergic to it.

2.5/5 Plunges








Terri
60 W 23rd St
(between 5th Ave & East 23rd St)
New York, NY 10010

Monday, January 2, 2012

Pine Box Rock Shop

The other day I was getting pretty antsy and had to get a drink. Nesser met up with me at this place right off the Morgan stop. I have been here a few times but always get too drunk to take pictures. This time I made a conscious effort to document the place.

Okay so this is one of those bars that looks like it fell out of an Anthropologie catalog. The design is all crispy light wood like some classy bar in Portland but dumped in the middle of Bushwick. Of course I am a huge shlong about aesthetics (art school does that to you) but there is nothing too impressive about the decor...until I went to take a piss. The bathrooms have tons of old porno scrapbooked into the walls. And its not done all crappy either. The images are actually from 70's and 80's Hustlers and Playboys, not inkjet copies. Looks like someone snuck into their dad's closet and raided his collection. All the pictures are collaged onto the wall and glazed over with a really thick layer of urethane which makes it difficult to vandalize the place.

After taking a wiz I ordered some empanadas. I was super hungry as balls so I needed to carb down hella hard. I ordered 2 of the 3 empanadas on the menu. Each day a semi from V-spot (which I assume is short for Vagina Spot) pulls up to the loading dock and dumps truckloads of vegan empanadas into the place. They have a 3000 square foot warehouse in the back of the bar to store all of the empanadas and Mexicans working around the clock to keep the rats from devouring them. The reason they take such precautionary measures is because these empanadas taste like a virgin angel's vagina.

I know I keep posting about empanadas, I'm pretty sure you are sick of it by now, but man I love these little fuckers. They are the Nerf footballs of junk food. Pine Box serves each empanada with a side of really fucking good salsa. When this Mexican says the salsa is good, it is fucking good (or I'm either drunk as shit). I can't remember what was in the empanadas, one I know had Daiya and some other crap in it, the other was really good seitan. I popped like 600 boners while eating these things.

Pine Box also has really good beerses on tap. They switch the beer menu up every week. I drank a few dark, heavy beers cause I'm a fat Mexican, Nessa drank a bunch of Southampton Double Whites cause she's racist.

4.5/5 Plunges






Pine Box Rock Shop
12 Grattan St
(between Bogart St & Morgan Ave)
Brooklyn, NY 11206