Pine Box Rock Shop

The other day I was getting pretty antsy and had to get a drink. Nesser met up with me at this place right off the Morgan stop. I have been here a few times but always get too drunk to take pictures. This time I made a conscious effort to document the place.

Okay so this is one of those bars that looks like it fell out of an Anthropologie catalog. The design is all crispy light wood like some classy bar in Portland but dumped in the middle of Bushwick. Of course I am a huge shlong about aesthetics (art school does that to you) but there is nothing too impressive about the decor...until I went to take a piss. The bathrooms have tons of old porno scrapbooked into the walls. And its not done all crappy either. The images are actually from 70's and 80's Hustlers and Playboys, not inkjet copies. Looks like someone snuck into their dad's closet and raided his collection. All the pictures are collaged onto the wall and glazed over with a really thick layer of urethane which makes it difficult to vandalize the place.

After taking a wiz I ordered some empanadas. I was super hungry as balls so I needed to carb down hella hard. I ordered 2 of the 3 empanadas on the menu. Each day a semi from V-spot (which I assume is short for Vagina Spot) pulls up to the loading dock and dumps truckloads of vegan empanadas into the place. They have a 3000 square foot warehouse in the back of the bar to store all of the empanadas and Mexicans working around the clock to keep the rats from devouring them. The reason they take such precautionary measures is because these empanadas taste like a virgin angel's vagina.

I know I keep posting about empanadas, I'm pretty sure you are sick of it by now, but man I love these little fuckers. They are the Nerf footballs of junk food. Pine Box serves each empanada with a side of really fucking good salsa. When this Mexican says the salsa is good, it is fucking good (or I'm either drunk as shit). I can't remember what was in the empanadas, one I know had Daiya and some other crap in it, the other was really good seitan. I popped like 600 boners while eating these things.

Pine Box also has really good beerses on tap. They switch the beer menu up every week. I drank a few dark, heavy beers cause I'm a fat Mexican, Nessa drank a bunch of Southampton Double Whites cause she's racist.

4.5/5 Plunges

Pine Box Rock Shop
12 Grattan St
(between Bogart St & Morgan Ave)
Brooklyn, NY 11206