Uncle Ray's Hot Chips

Last week I got a job driving photographers around to different runway shows for fashion week. It was six 12+ hour days straight of driving. I would get 20 minute breaks in which I would smoke a cigarette, piss in bottles and frantically drive to a Mc Donalds or Starbucks to shit. If you are unaware, it is next impossible to pee or crap in this city, and if you do find a terlet, there is never and TP. I probably wiped my ass with over 300 napkins last week.

Well, like a moron I would forget to bring a lunch to work so I was forced to eat road food. There is nothing too exotic out here, I ate mostly trail mix and bags of chips. One bag of chip caught my eye right away, Uncle Ray's Hot Chips. Imagine a poor little kid in Mexico, all he eats is tortillas and hot sawse. Since there is not much to do in Mexico he just pounds off all day. After about 6 or 7 stroke sessions the jizz stops coming out and his shlong gets pretty sweaty and salty from all that cranking. Well, slide your tongue along the underside of his shaft, that's what these chips taste like.

I'm not gonna lie, I did eat the whole bag despite how putrid they tasted, but only because I am in constant war with my stomach. My gut is always telling me when to eat and poop. I don't like to be bossed around, so I punish him by feeding him total garbage from time to time. So next time your crap factory wants you to poop right in the middle of a road trip or pumping your girlfriend, eat a bag of hot chips and keep that fucker in check.