Gardein Ultimate Beefless Burger Review

Poop in a bag is what this crap is. I commend Gardein for all of their hard work in the fake meat research industry, but they're are lagging behind. It's like when the US and the Soviet Union were trying to get to space first and the US just faked the moon landing to make everyone believe that we are the superior country. Gardien is the United States and Match Meat is Russia, keeping it real with honest and delicious results. I guess I'll do a review on Match Meat in a few days cuz they sell that crap at Figueroa Produce down the street. So what don't I like about the ULTIMATE BEEFLESS BURGER?

First of all you can't call something Ultimate unless the claim is undisputed. There are tons of other fake burgers on the market and this marketing scheme only appeals to people who need a Supreme, All-Knowing, Omnipotent burger in their lives. I for one question burger authority and feel that we can only advance as a race if we continue to strive for truth. Leaders come and go, but it's our yearning for truth that keeps the human race alive. A species endures by adapting to changes and if we continue to worship this Ultimate Beefless Burger we are destined to fail.

Okay here is the recipe I used to make this meal: OPEN BAG, COOK IT, PUT IT ON SOME BREAD, EAT IT!

2/5 Plunges